The Tri-Review, part three: "Unbearable Lightness" by Portia de Rossi

When I told friends I was reading Portia de Rossi's autobiography, they all laughed at me. Partly, because its title is almost the same as Milan Kundera's masterpiece, The Unbearable Lightness of Being; but mostly, because autobiographies written by young film and TV stars are usually badly written and fairly uninteresting. And really, I too expected Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain to be the regular Hollywood-esque hyperbole churned out by most celebs (which, lets face it, I love). 

However, Portia's book defied everyone's expectations. Rather than the typical trajectory of birth to stardom that many actresses' stories take, Unbearable Lightness is a beautifully written and thoroughly harrowing account of Portia's struggle with anorexia during the early years of her television career.
 
The story begins with Portia waking up in bed one morning, and obsessively counting the calories she ate the day before:

Yesterday I got out of bed and walked directly to the treadmill and walked at 7.0 for 60 minutes for a total of negative 600 calories. I ate 60 calories of oatmeal with Splenda and butter and black coffee with one vanilla-flavored tablet. I didn't eat anything at work. And at lunch I walked on the treadmill for an hour. Shit, I had only walked. 

This quotation reflects the style, tone and content of the rest of the book. Told in the first person, Portia tells her story as if it is actually happening. Though often interspersed with  more self-reflective sections, she usually lets the story tell itself. When Portia is down to about 37kg (yes, there are pictures included so you can see proof of her skeletal frame) she is clearly off the planet - but she doesn't tell us this explicitly. Instead, she explains how she hides her journal from her psychologist so the shrink won't see how she's written "YOU ARE NOTHING!" all over it; she describes how running for hours and hours a day (and not eating anything) made her body so sore she couldn't even stand; how she felt triumph when the ache in her joints after jumping in a warm bath was so great she could forget about hunger and food.

The book is such a great insight into the mind of a person with an eating disorder, or any form of mental illness. Portia's story shows how eating disorders really are an illness, and demonstrates the complete irrationality of the anorexic mindset (which, of course, the sufferer doesn't recognise as irrationality at all).  I reckon this would be a great book for family member and friends of those suffering from anorexia or bulimia. Not only would it help them get inside their loved one's head, but it could help them understand why much of their own help or intervention might not be that affective.

I probably wouldn't recommend Unbearable Lightness to anyone still in the midst of dealing with an eating disorder - the story is so raw and detailed, and Portia's writing so relatable and powerful, that it could potentially exacerbate a problem.

Portia's eating disorder and subsequent breakdown are also both related to her sexuality, and the pressure she felt to keep "being gay" a secret. Unbearable Lightness is also her "coming out" story, to an extent, and describes how her deep friendship (and later, marriage) with Ellen de Generes helped her form an understanding of true, inner beauty, as well as an understanding of a healthy body.

Portia's honesty about her deepest struggles was gut-wrenching, but also encouraged me to face my own struggles head-on...I know that sounds cliched and way too sentimental, but it's true! So read it! Read it now!

A quick note on Jason Stackhouse

I’m only two thirds of the way through True Blood Season One and already it’s shaping up to be great blog-fodder. Talk about a masculinity explosion! And I don’t even mean Bill (or rather, “Bay-all”, if you speak Louisiana), the dark-haired sullen protector-like vampire guy, but Jason Stackhouse. So Jason is a buffed out sex maniac who’s always figured topless with chiselled muscles exposed. Initially I was disgusted by his behaviour and representation…particularly when he thought he killed Maudette and left her hanging from her ceiling while he saved his own bootie. Actually this is still pretty gross even though it turned out he didn’t kill her. And I am still repulsed by him for other reasons, such as hitting his sister after their grandma died. But I think he is also my favourite character, not only because he can be a sweetie at (occasional) times, but because his character is such an effective catalyst for ridiculing the ‘stud’ stereotype and breaking it down again and again. An example of this is when he gulps a whole vial of vampire blood (which, according to True Blood lore, has mega-drug effects for humans) that makes his man-bits so big they nearly explode, and he has to have it medically drained of blood by a surgeon. Effectively, Jason becomes his own vampire - ironic, considering how much he hates them. Even more humiliating is that the person who drags him to the hospital is Tara, his sister’s best friend who’s had a crush on him since childhood. J-Stax is here reducing to screaming and clutching Tara’s hand as the agonising procedure progresses. Strangely, I was sympathetic to him through all this…c’mon, he didn’t mean to overdose! He was just trying to avoid getting convicted for a murder he didn’t commit! In any case, I’m not saying True Blood is making any huge statements on the destructive nature of promiscuity. Rather, the cost of Jason’s own stupidity and sexual presumptuousness is highlighted as he is humiliated. This makes the point that Jason’s attempts to locate his identity in his sexual actions are fruitless, because these can be violently destroyed so easily (by his own actions besides). The “stud” label becomes nothing but a joke as its very definition has literally been drained of desired meaning and purpose.
Stay tuned for an online rant about Lafayette, my other favourite male character in the show. And of course the women in the show. And of course the relationship between True Blood and other Louisiana-based vampire narratives such Anne Rice’s novels.

PS. Does anyone else find it as cool as I do that my Benetint cosmetic blush looks exactly like a vial of V? Tubular.

Miley didn't kiss a girl...apparently

‘When you're 11, the word you would use to describe someone is definitely not sexy, and as you get older I think you grow into that. And I think I've done that but that's not my schtick. That's not what I'm trying to do to sell records. I want people to buy my record because of my music.’

Ahh, the wisdom of Miley Cyrus, in defence of her recent wardrobe choices (hot pants, low-cut pleather) and more interestingly, her behavioural choices (pole dancing on stage at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards and faux-kissing a female dancer during a performance of her new single “Can't Be Tamed” on Britain's Got Talent last week).

Let’s be honest, her antics are not surprising – she’s not the first female popstar to perform scantily clad, nor is she first to publicly plant a same-sex kiss (think fellow pop gals Britney and Madonna).

Miley has defended her kiss on her website, claiming that since it wasn’t a ‘real kiss’ it didn’t really happen: ‘I promise you I did not kiss her and it is ridiculous that two entertainers cant even rock out with each other without the media making it some type of story. I really hope my fans are not disappointed in me because the truth is I did nothing wrong. I got up there and did my job which is to perform to the best of my ability. I just want to put an end to this right now and just say one thing to everyone out there making this performance such a big deal.’

Wha?!? Has she gone mental? Firstly, Miley is fiercely policing the boundaries of her heterosexuality, as suggested by her vehement denial of any same-sex contact, her determination to distinguish between ‘actually’ kissing another girl or just “rock[in’] out” (aka simulating the kiss). This way, she keeps her heterosexuality intact, as she ‘did nothing wrong.’ She seems to be saying ‘it’s ok to pretend to be gay while I’m wearing almost no clothes, but it’s not ok to actually be gay.’

At the same time, Miley is using a same-sex act to garner the attention that she claims she doesn’t want – even The Age had a link to a short piece about it! If Miley’s not really kissing girls and not really seeking attention I don’t know whether the act can be except an outrageously silly and immature publicity stunt. It smacks of a young girl desperate to look sexy and instead appearing clumsy, hypocritical and lacking understanding of any sort of sexual or gendered sensibilities. Unfortunately (though ironically in Miley’s favour) the focus after this little exploit was certainly not on the music and despite her claims, may actually boost her record sales.

I do feel a bit bad for Miley. She is surrounded by other crazies after all - her ex-best friend Katy Perry did make herself famous by singing I Kissed a Girl (though later she assured audiences they shouldn’t worry, she never actually had kissed a girl). That said I’m pretty distressed about the way these young women act and call it ‘sexy’ - as if female sexuality must always be reduced to what brings in the highest profit margin, with no regard for (or rather, little demonstrated understanding of) the implications and inconsistencies of what they're doing.


Refs:
Opening quote at
http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/music/miley-cyrus-not-trying-to-be-slutty-20100616-yepg.html
Miley's blog
http://www.mileycyrus.com/miblog/